I have 'Crimson', 'Raven' and 'Eyes' in my mind. but i can't think of anything to write, so bleah.

Did i ever have regrets abotu not chosing poly? All the time. 'What If's just pop into my head all the time, everytime i lie down on the bed i think, 'What if i went to poly instead?'

Will i do better?

Will i be able to handle 'A's?

Where am i gonna go if i fail MI?

And that made me had my first white hair. Lots of doubting questions which eats away at my soul everytime i tried to ignore it. I don't feel that it's going to go anyway anytime soon. I always looked back and say what now? I tried to look forward, telling myself 'You already chose this path so fucking stick to it and stop looking back' but it's not working, I just can't not look back.

I've never been the studying kind yet, i chose MI which is pretty much like Sec school but hell lot harder. What was i thinking, what could have been done? And everytime the results come back, i'll be thinking about the same questions over and over again... and a little part of me dies on the inside. Will i be able to get rid of the past regrets and questions, haunting me, consuming my very life? I don't think so. Insecurity is a funny thing isn't it? The more you try not to think of it, the more glaring it becomes.

And they say shame is the worst emotion ever, i say regrets is the worst. The feeling of helplessness is just overwhelming.

"A forceful fist strikes the wall cement
The madness replaced with the burning pain
It would have been easier to repent
Is taking your anger out like this sane?

Those crazy screams at the top of the lungs
Storm out of the room, want to be alone
All that hatred, resentment and crazy runs
Behaves like it will go away if you cry and moan

“Way to be mature,” repeats in your head
Remorse is all that you can feel at this time
You wish to undo everything or be dead
But you keep on making the same mistakes

I’m so sorry, don’t want to be like this
For once, I want to walk away sane"

Adapted and modified from Regret by ~lovelesssoul @ deviantart

Possibly the most hilarious song ever.

Lots of stuff to write, pictures to posts and things to whine/complain/rant about. But let's do the good stuff first.

1) Movie Gathering

Esther, Gene, Hongwei, John, James and i went to watch PoTC! I know it's a bit late but we were all busy on other days. I think we enjoyed, i certainly did. Gene asked a damn stupid question after seeing the little bonus clip at the end of the credit.

"They had sex on the beach ah?"

Daaamn, it took me so much self control not to 'Duh' him straight out. I bet Stewie will say "Do you hear yourself, Gene? I might just kill you tonight!" Everyone was like 'Arh-ber then?!' Kinda an lol'ed momement. Afterwards we went to play pool, courtesy of John and of course Gene, James and me got our butt kicked lah. Duuuuude, we only learnt how to play like, 5 mins ago .__."

Pictures Galore!


Dammit Gene! Stop moving!




Oh yah, he's sexy. I like u just the way u r ;D


Another James photo


Stop dodging the damn Camera, hun.


Sexybeast Hongwei

2) School stuff

I was almost late for my first exam this week. Like, what the hell man! Woke up at 7.45 and i managed to get to school by 8! Can't imagine what will happen if i way up 5 mins later. >____<"

Geo was okay i suppose, but i left out the mechanism of plate tectonic which is the EPITOME (Bless MSWord. It is a wonderfull tool) of the whole idea of plate tectonic. And chem was just... let's just say i'll need a fucking miracle to even get 20% of the marks. Yeah, i'm that screwed.

2 things to blog about; one is happy, the other one irrational but happy stuff first. We had GP movie today in Vivo, and we saw an orange Lamborghini Gallardo coupe =D

So damn cool can?









Italian police drive these cars, can you believe that?! I so wanna be a policeman in Italy now Dx Anyway, 'nugh of gushing about cars. The movie was nice and a bit sad though. The children's mothers are prostitutes and if they are girls, then it's likely they will be prostitutes in the future too, and on goes the cycle.

Next thing is more like my personal rant. So if you don't understand then it's okay.
It's wierd to say people copy your idea of creating a forum and flaming that person so badly because you think they 'stole' your idea. FFS lah, i mean it's not as if you thought up of the idea of a forum first so don't go around attacking people because of your percieved plagarising of your forum. It's like saying people are people are copying you in selling bubble tea, it's not like you didn't copied that idea from Taiwan =/
So please, stop effing fight a war and saying people are dumbasses =/

If I told you once, I told you twice,
You can see it in my eyes.
I'm all drained now,
With nothing to say.
You're everything I wanted to be.

If you could only see,
My heart belongs to you.
I love you so much, I'm yearning for your touch.
Come and set me free,
Forever yours I'll be,
Baby won't you come and take this pain away?

I'm so alone, I'm so lonely,

Why don't you pick the phone,
And dial up my number,
And call me a baby,
I'm waiting on you.

Why don't you pick the phone,
And dial up my number,
Just call me a baby,
I'm waiting for you.

I don't know when this started, maybe it's when you started playing DoTA, or maybe it's when you began watching Heroes, either way it doesn't matter now. I feel we're on the same wavelength when talk but when you guys start talking about DoTA, i feel as if i'm left behind. I tried to keep up but i start worriying 'Am i able to keep up?' and 'how far are you guys going?' i feel totally ignored and out of place. We are drifting away, aren't we. Soon, i'll join Ben and well, maybe you guys won't even notice i'm gone.

Whatever.